Resistance is Futile: Why the Borg Were Right

frustrated - 1024x683Ugh.

I am SO disappointed with myself.

Let’s be honest here: I could be harsher and say that I’m disgusted or repulsed by myself, but I’d prefer not to be too hard on myself. I’m not really one to get my self-hate on. And besides, being overly negative doesn’t help the situation. That said, stating that I’m disappointed in myself seems like an accurate, appropriate assessment.

(Oh. And I’m frustrated, too.)

Why am I frustrated? Disappointed??

You can probably guess. The lack of any recent writing or updates or blog posts on this site is simply one obvious hint of my general lack of creative output and productivity.

What gives?!

The thing is, I’m not anywhere near being hard-pressed for ideas OR time. On the contrary, I feel as though I have a plethora of creative potential to dive into and explore, like some kind of Discovery channel scuba diver plunging into previously undiscovered waters and uncharted territories. I just need to daydream to stumble-swim myself upon bountiful idea-reefs teeming with the potential for life. I don’t even have a “normal” job to get in the way of my creativity! My situation is probably a dream for many would-be writers and creative-wanna-bes!! I am SO fortunate, and in SO many ways!

So then, seriously? What the hell is wrong with me? What’s my problem??

Oy. Stop with the self-depreciation, Rachelle… That’s not going to get us anywhere worth going.

:Ahem: :Sigh: :Breathes:

Staring out a window, with liquid comfort in the form of a soy latte in hand, I took some time to simply reflect over my situation — my desires, goals, and ambitions, and the near-complete lack of evidence of having any aspirations whatsoever — when I suddenly realized what my so-called problem actually is.

And my eyes filled up with tears.

Resistance,” I said to myself. “That’s what it all comes down to. That’s my problem.”

To be more precise, my problem is my resistance to my status quo.

I’ve been in a relationship with the love of my life for more than 5.5 years now. That’s certainly not the problem. The thing is, he’s American, and I’m Canadian.

As a Canadian, I’m allowed (as far as I’m aware) to spend up to 6 months in the USA out of a 12-month period. (Note the difference between 12-month period vs calendar year.) And I resist this fact. A whole damn LOT.

I mean, I love him to bits! I don’t want to spend up to 6 months apart!! I want to live with him!!!

From a legal standpoint, however, I can’t. Not unless we were to get married. (Or, unless I were to get some magical work visa… anyone wanna sponsor me?)

Despite any grievances I may have with the many concepts and notions tethered to tying the knot, I’d be willing to get hitched to appease The Powers That Be so that we’d be allowed to live in the same house, let alone the same country, without it being considered against the law.

The mere notion that two adult human beings can’t be together unless they’re granted permission to be so by a governing authority really gets to me. SO HARD. (Yep. That’s what she said!) Really, you have no idea.

And although he really likes the idea of us living together, too, he, on the other hand, is not willing to compromise his values and get married simply to satiate the US’s bully-like attitude of pushing marriage onto international couples.

It’s not because he doesn’t want to marry me and is waiting for someone better to come along… he just doesn’t want to get married or be married. (Again.) Period.

This is totally understandable to me. I get it. You were already married once. You went through a long divorce. You don’t want to get married again. You see the many flaws of marriage, as do I. So I totally get it. And I don’t disagree with any of it, either. But I sure as hell resent and resist the fact that things are the way they are.

In my eyes, it seems so damn unjust. In my worldview, people should be allowed to be with whomever they like and live wherever they please. The fact that this isn’t legally permissible unless authorization is granted from governmental powers really gets my feathers ruffled up.

Marriage doesn’t equal love. Love equals love!

Marriage is a contract and a construct created by the government. There are tons of people who remain married in loveless marriages, or who marry for reasons that have nothing to do with love. Why is it that the US government promotes marriage vs love?

At least the Canadian government is a bit more liberal-minded: Last I checked, if a Canadian wanted to sponsor a non-Canadian partner to live with them, the Canadian government doesn’t push the construct of marriage on the couple. Marriage is still an option, of course, but it’s not the only option. Aside from spouses, common-law partners and conjugal partners are welcome, too. (I believe you do need to prove that you’ve been in a conjugal relationship for at least 2 years… but hey, that’d be easy to prove. We’ve been together for over 5.5+ years now!)

But he doesn’t want to live in Canada. (I don’t hold that against him, either.) And aside from that, he has a nice house, whereas I do not. So from that consideration, it makes much more sense for me to join him in the US vs him joining me in Canada.

So what does all this have to do about my lack of creative productivity?

Well, the realization I came to is that my intense feelings of resistance for my situation — i.e. not being allowed to be with my love on a full-time basis because of some unjust and outdated law — are SO STRONG that it spills over to pretty much every other aspect of my life, especially my creative endeavors. How could it not? For that’s the very nature of how our thoughts and feelings affect our everyday reality.

Writing and creative work entails tapping into a state of flow, especially. Whereas resistance is the opposite of flow. Nothing’s gonna come through if the resistance barrier is up!

Whenever I sit down with the intent of getting some creative work done, something feels off. (In other words, I’m not in an open, receptive state to welcome creative, inspired flow. D’uh!) Thinking that that feeling of inspired-flow will eventually come, I’ll do some other stuff online in the meantime while waiting for the flow to start and that moment to just feel right.

I’ll check a little bit of social media. I’ll check email. I’ll write emails. I might write many notes and research various topics related to my the subject of my would-be writing, but, of course, all without getting any actual writing done.

I’ll consider many plans and options for my upcoming and ongoing nomadic travel due to my relationship and circumstances. I’ll read articles about productivity and motivation. I’ll listen to material about tapping into flow. And yet that right feeling never comes.

As C. G. Jung has said, “What you resist, persists.”

Yay! Whoopee!! Eureka!!! I’ve determined what’s holding me back! (Me!) It’s (me and my) Resistance! And, I’ve also determined the primary source of my resistance! (Which, inevitably, is rooted in my feelings, which can only come back to… ME!) !!!!

So… Now what?

I’ve always known that me, myself, and I were at the heart of my problem, but delving into the specifics of the cause can sure help a lot in figuring out what to do from there.

I figure I’ve got a lot of internal work to do:

I need to stop resisting the way things are, or I’m just gonna get a lot more of what I don’t want.

I need to embrace the present moment.

I need to acknowledge my resistance, and like a reed in the wind, give in to it.

I need to transmute my resistance and anxiety and frustration about the situation, and harness that energy to power my creative pursuits — which can only be accomplished in a state of flow tethered to that power of the here and now known as the present.

I need to embrace feelings of love and appreciation, the antithesis of resistance.

If I can successfully manage to do this, and for an ongoing period of time, I sincerely believe that I’ll be able to forge for myself a reality that allows me to live wherever I damn well please — and without necessarily having to get married in order to do so!

I have many ideas on how this might play out. …but I’ll save that for another blog post. 😉

In the meantime, send me good vibes and wish me luck!

<3

13 thoughts on “Resistance is Futile: Why the Borg Were Right

  1. Andrew

    Rachelle,

    I’ve been thinking about your article here for the last few days, and it makes more and more sense. When I feel hopelessly blocked in one area of life, it can feel like I’m blocked everywhere else, too.

    In a situation like this, perhaps the only solution can be found in a reframing of the problem. Yes, you feel frustration of being apart for 6 months at a time, but it could be much worse. Steve *could* be a secret agent and have to be gone for 8 months or a year at a time! Hehe, kind of an extreme example, but there are people who have to deal with things like that.

    In an ideal scenario, you guys would get married. These days, I think the necessity of marriage depends on the couple and the situation, but, for me, it comes down to one thing: Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life together? If the answer is “Hell yes”, and you think about it, and six months later it’s still a “Hell Yes”, then I don’t see much of a downside… and you seem quite willing to tie the knot. I think only good things would come of it, as I get a strong, deep love vibe from you two.

    On the other hand, having followed Steve’s history, I can’t say I’d feel much different than he does right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s extremely gun-shy of marriage for the next five years or more. Although, and maybe I’m crazy, but I do get the feeling that, if you brought this up from time to time, and made clear if it was important to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was up for it in a few years. I feel that as a clear possibility. Of course, that’s entirely up to Steve, but even Steve has a melting point. And Love melts many wounds.

    But then again maybe it’s all tangential. If you guys are going to travel nomadic, then that’s a pretty elegant solution, especially if you choose to settle in a non-US country… depending on the country, at least.

    It’s a tricky situation. I can empathize with all sides. I only hope that love and patience will find a solution, and I do wish you & Steve the best. Hopefully our paths will cross again someday. 🙂

  2. Rachelle Fordyce Post author

    Thanks Andrew. 🙂

    I think one of Steve’s main reasons for not wanting to get married is to provide insurance against ever having to go through another divorce. i.e. Want a sure-fire way to guarantee you’ll never get divorced? Don’t get married! Haha.

    Also, I believe we both think it’s lame that the government feels the need to meddle in interpersonal relationships by imposing rules or laws that must be followed. Seems overly controlling, doesn’t it? For those who value true freedom, I think it’s natural to be wary of putting oneself in a situation (such as marriage) where one is required to give up some of that freedom to a governing authority.

    I’m going to look into applying for an O-1 visa. I may just barely qualify right now as it is (as a theatre artist), but my main issue is that I’m currently lacking a sponsor. My current plan is to do an extensive Fringe Theatre Festival tour across Canada next year, hopefully find a sponsor, and then submit an application. It’s kind of an expensive process to get an O-1 visa — I believe $3000-$5,000 or possibly even more — but it can be good for up to three years and is renewable as well.

  3. Rachelle Fordyce Post author

    Oh! And about the idea of traveling nomadic — that’s currently off the table right now. I believe Steve’s had a change of heart towards that idea.

    Also, turns out that as non-Europeans, we would only be allowed to stay in most of Europe for up to 3 months at a time, anyway, so that would make it a bit less practical. Due to the nature of European Union / Schengen laws, it makes it a lot easier for Europeans to live a nomadic lifestyle. (That’s not to say I’d only want to stay in Europe, but I think starting off in Europe makes sense… but 3 months is so short!) There might be a way to by-pass the default 3 months by applying for a particular visa, but as it is, Steve’s no longer currently interested in going that route in the near future, after all.

  4. Max

    Hello Rachelle I’m a 19 year old in the vegan/raw vegan/fruititarian closet reader of Steve’s and although I’ve never been married by getting married you are effectively stating that you are a child/are incapable of handling your relationship maturely and want the law to keep your relationship secure. Two truely mature people can handle an intimate relationship, including additional polyamorous relationships without the involvement of the government including peacefully breaking up such as if your lifestyles have grown apart. Steve has fully valid reasons for opposing marraige.

    Additionally here is an idea for polyamory that you and/or Steve might like when you have a new polyamorous lover and have a first time having sex initiation ceremony by stating “Gaze into my eyes, see my life flash before your eyes,” while your partner gazes into your eyes. And this poem could make a good addition to this initiation ceremony:

    “Temple of Living Light

    Show me your mysteries, I’ll show you mine
    As we embark outside this space and time.
    Clasping hands we’ll join the dance divine,
    Flowing gently toward eternal rhyme.

    Tell me your fantasies, I’ll tell you mine
    Show me your ecstasies that flow as wine.
    Together we’ll reach the highest peak sublime,
    Drinking deeply from the spring of time.

    Try as we might…
    So many chambers in which to dwell

    To reach the heights…
    From the bottom of the wishing well

    With second sight…
    How we ascend only time will tell

    To the Temple of Living Light…
    Far beyond heaven and hell

    Bare your heart to me, I’ll give you mine
    Though all alone we might be flying blind.
    Through embrace fire and ice entwine,
    Surging and merging as the ocean tide.”

    -Iona Miller

    Here is the link to this poem and others if it interests you and/or Steve:
    http://www.oocities.org/iona_m/Virtualtantra/tantrapoems.html

    -Namste, Max

  5. Rachelle Fordyce Post author

    Hi Max.

    Yep. I share Steve’s views on marriage as well. I think it’s cool if people want to get married because it means something special to them, but at the same time I also think marriage isn’t and shouldn’t be necessary to make a relationship “official”. (Also, that “put a ring on it” BS really pisses me off! lol.)

    Either way, it’s the US government’s laws on relationships/marriage — at least when it comes to international relationships — that I’ll have to appease if I’m ever going to live there one day, unless I’m able to obtain a different type of long-term visa.

    Thanks for sharing the poem!

  6. Max

    Rachelle I think that after 5 years you can obtain US citizenship and still keep your Canadian citizenship via dual citizenship. And knowing Steve likes intensity in his polyamorous connections having his new D/s play and romantic patterns see his life flash before their eyes seems like something intense that he would be interested in.

    Perhaps your creatively may be dwindling partially due to soul loss/fragmentation which is a belief in shamanism about when you have trauma of some kind a part(s) of you soul leave you and cause you to feel less passion and enthusiasm

    On a side note here is an interesting moral philosophy: everybody (born with a conscience) is a Chef’s Salad with their good parts and bad parts with a vinigarette that represents conflict and confusion. This philosophy is mentioned in a children’s book “The Grime Grotto” by one of the villians in a book series called “A Series Of Unfortunate Events” by Lemony Snicket.

    -Namsay, Max

  7. Rachelle Fordyce Post author

    “I think that after 5 years you can obtain US citizenship and still keep your Canadian citizenship via dual citizenship.” … I have no idea what you’re referring to there. After 5 years of what, exactly?

  8. Max

    First you have to get a green card which is a permanent residence card that for self employed foreigners is discriminating since your options are marraige, family, jobs, military service, asylum, or 6 figure foreign investment. Then you have to have a green card for 5 years to become a US citizen.

    Unless you and Steve are willing to spend 6 figures, get a job, get married, or you happen to have a US citizen relative it looks like 6 months is your maximum stay per year here in the US.

    Here is a link about the US citizenship requirements and one about the green card requirements:

    http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/applying-for-us-citizenship-naturalization-30218.html

    http://www.uscis.gov/greencard

  9. Max

    Here is another idea become a legal employee of Steve’s then you get legal work status for a green card and are engaging in D/s play too as an employee:)?

  10. Rachelle Fordyce Post author

    I don’t think Steve wants any long-term employees, actually. (Hiring a workshop assistant/coordinator on a sparodic basis is completely different.) And besides, even if he did want an employee, I believe I’d have to be able to prove that I’d provide and fulfill a special skill set that he wouldn’t be able to fulfill locally or even from other Americans.

    You have to keep in mind that most governments are very protective of their job market and want to ensure jobs go to their own citizens as much as possible.

  11. Tereza

    Rachelle,

    I have never met you and yet there is something familiar about your feelings. There is something I want to tell you. Sometimes we resist what is in fact good for us. Sometimes pushing through is the way to go. But sometimes our feelings of dissatisfaction are in fact legitimate. Sometimes there is something which we need and are not getting. Something non-negotiable. Be gentle with yourself. Be also honest with yourself. About what you can take. About what you truly really want and need. You are a sweet person and you deserve to be truly happy. You deserve to fly.

  12. Max

    Hello again Rachelle have you thought of using a technique to get your resistance out of your system such as EFT Tapping or the Emotion Code? Since as Steve has stated your body stores emotions. Additionally from what I can tell if you are insecure in your pelvis about the manifestation of a desire via the Law of Attraction it will not manifest.

    And I relate to your lack of motivation. Being 19 and picking between having to effectively live a lie to be considered yourself by your parents or be deemed brainwashed and under a cult leader’s spell (a story that I’d prefer to reveal certain details privately in person if you and/or Steve are interested). At the moment option 2 the Evil Exit has been a partial pick so far.

    It seems that when your time is consumed by work you don’t want to do anything yet when you have plenty of time you hardly feel like doing anything.

    -Namaste, Max

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